Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Feeling Sleepy by Aaron Hydes

And as this body
that aches to the bone
boards the early train
wishing I was at home,
to face another day
of figures and numbers,
Wanting to be back in bed
in deep restful slumber.
As the train travels on,
its slow rocking movement,
thinking of a long day in bed,
a somewhat vast improvement.
And as the train pulls into
a commuter packed station,
for a moment, disturbed
from quiet meditation.
The rustling of newspapers
annoying to the core.
Early morning journeys
I've found can be a bore.
So think as you travel,
think and breathe deeply.
Where would you rather be
when you're feeling sleepy?

Of a man by Aaron Hydes

I look out the window
and all that I see
is the face of a stranger
who is staring at me.
The lines on his face
show the battles he's lost,
but are scars of a broken heart
that has come at great cost.
Stubble on his chin
from where he just hadn't shaved
they show he's worked hard
on his journey to the grave.
His hands maybe calloused
maybe hard to the touch
but seem gentle and loving
when he says "I love you so much"
His hair is a mess,
and a little unkempt
but appearance means nothing
when you have just wept.
Deep lines round his eyes
show the path that he had trodden
whether happy, sad or terrible
each step never forgotten.
I look out the window
and all that I see
is the simple reflection
Of a man, that is me.

Snow by Aaron Hydes

I watched a single snowflake fall,
All alone and that was all
Until I looked towards street light
As thousands joined it in the night.
I watched in wonder as they danced,
their mid air ballet they skipped and pranced.
With elegant grace and without sound
from window watching they dusted the ground
Then just as quickly as it had begun,
a thousand snowflakes became just one.
And as I looked out into the night
the street lights lit up a layer of pure white.
And now and then with passing breeze
the snow, it danced with gracious ease......

The Basics

“I only know the basics, and that’s all I want to know. Any more information and you begin to feel like you know them, you begin to feel that they are a real person, which of course they are, but not when you only know the basics. When you know the basics, they’re nothing more than a sketch, a mere outline. An idea, facts on a piece of paper. They don’t have any form. Sure you see a photo or two, maybe see where they live, see them briefly in a crowd, even follow them at a distance. But then, only for a short time. You don’t get involved. You’re there for one thing and on thing only. I made the mistake of forgetting that once before, and only once. That was the first time. That time was the hardest, and nearly the end of me.
“His name is Billy and he lives in a council flat. He’s 34 years old, married, claims benefits, drives a BMW, smokes pot and works for my client ‘Big Benny’. Those are the facts, the outline to the sketch. That, along with a few other facts is all I know. He beats his wife and pushes people around for a laugh. Those facts I found out for myself. The one other thing is, he owes ‘Big Benny’ five grand. No, I’ll rephrase that. The other thing is, he stole five grand from ‘Big Benny’.
“Now Big Benny isn’t actually all that bothered about the money to be honest, which is good, because he’s paying me ten grand to do the job. No, to Big Benny, and I quote, “It’s the bloody principal! I gave the shit a job, paying bloody good money, too. And this is how he repays me. Saddens me, so it does, breaks my ‘eart!”
“So here I am walking across the road from Billy, about fifty foot behind him, the late November wind biting into the flesh on my face. My nose feeling numb.
“He’s just been to sign on, the fortnightly task where they try and find you a job or two, something to make it look like they’re doing their job. And you sit there, knowing that they don’t really give a damn about you. To them you’re just another number, nothing more than a statistic, a collection of facts of their data base. Heck, the job centre and I could be one in the same to a degree.
“He’s in his denims again, faded blue jeans and a jacket that has seen better days, and a black beanie covering his almost orange hair. His jeans seem to stop an inch short of his ankles which are covered by a pair of black, scuffed Dr Martin boots. His collar is pulled up to cover the Bull dog and Union Jack tattoos that adorn his neck, hands burried deep in his pockets, covering the love/hate tattoos that scar the boney knuckles of each hand.
“He walks aggressively with a thuggish swagger, glaring and sneering at people, spitting at their feet as if to his contempt for there mere exsistance, but showing nothing more than ingnorance in its purest form. And I’ve seen him walk this way home a few times, his actions always the same. Acting like he has something to prove, a reputation to uphold, the “I’m a big man round here, so watch your step” routine. But not seeing how people laugh at him when his back is turned.
“He stops at the BP garage to buy some cigarettes, and while he’s in there, I prepare myself. I also send a text message to the client.
“He comes out and heads home. Traffic is light and it’s beginning to get dark now. He heads for the subway to cross diagonally under the round about by the Running Horse pub. It’s there I pick up my pace to intercept him. I’m waiting for him as he enters the open space below road level of the round about. My mobile rings as he comes out of the short tunnel under the road. I answer it and, after a brief exchange with the caller, I speak to Billy for the first time.
“’Billy?’ I call out. He turns and looks at me with a neandertholic gaze, somewhat confused and wandering if he should know me. I hold my phone out to him. ‘Big Benny would like a few words with you.’ I continue, my tone kept flat and unemotional.
“He walks towards meand snatches the phone from my grasp, and keeping an eye on me, he slowly raises the phone to his ear.
“I don’t know the exact words that Big Benny says to him, but I’m sure that it has something to do with how disappointed he is with Billy, how he gave him a job when people had advised him not to, that against their advice, against their better judgement he took Billy under his wing. And that’s the point where Billy gets it and all he can say to Big Benny is ‘My wife?’ And for a moment there is a look of reassurance in Billy’s eyes as Big Benny speaks to him. I’ve dealt with Big Benny before and know that he will never go after the family.
“I stand with a silenced pistol in my hand, not normally my style, I prefer the natural death look. The ‘came home and didn’t smell the gas leak before they switched on the light’ accident, but Big Benny want this to be a message to others not to mess. I see the fear in Billy’s face as he see’s the weapon, and as he hands the mobile back to me, he’s visibly shaking. I put the phone to my ear and recieve confirmation to go ahead.
“I place the phone in my pocket and raise the silenced pistol. And for a moment I pause, almost expecting to listen to Billy beg for his life, but instead he bows his head, almost as if in prayer, his hands raised slightly from his sides, palms facing me. Billy stands there, calm and ready, like some sort of warrior accepting his fate. And despite his thuggish appearance, he utters his last words with a faint hint of nobility.
“Do it!”
“In an instant, Billy is dead. Between Billy looking almost noble and eyes being glazed there is a flash and dull thud. His body slumps to the ground, none of this hollywood style body flying back 20 foot. His knees give way under his now dead weight and he falls to the pavement, like a screwed up sketch being dropped in the bin, and at that second I’m walking away, ten grand better off.
“I meet many people in my line of work. Many, like Billy, are mere sketches that have just gone wrong, an idea that nobody had time to refine and put right. In the end the sketch is thrown away or destroyed and a new one started. And despite Big Benny later revealing that Billy had taken the money to try and get himself into anger management to save his marriage, to stop himself from destroying the one thing of beauty that he had in his life, for my own sanity, to me Billy was just another payday, just another collection of facts, a list of basic information. Because I only know the basics, and that’s all I really want to know.”

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

The Breakdown by tattoodfreeek aka Aaron Hydes (sound quality isn't overly good on this one)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KsCO25a9ZE&feature=BFa&list=ULx_T29yF0Iqs&index=6

Patience and Time by tattoodfreek aka Aaron Hydes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ue21Mo5Fvaw&feature=BFa&list=ULx_T29yF0Iqs&index=5

Wiser by tattoodfreeek aka Aaron Hydes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dStoDGumRnk&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

Restwell by tattoodfreeek aka Aaron Hydes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGd0_VQTC6U&feature=related

Driving back by tattoodfreeek aka Aaron Hydes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ebds4sbR65o&feature=related

Ghost of a Love by tattoodfreeek aka Aaron Hydes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENzwhfZtqb0

Untitled!!



My eyes open, squinting against the bright light, as if seeing it for the first time, imagining briefly how it must feel to be born. A sharp pain shooting down my optic nerve makes me close them again. I shield my eyes with my hand and try opening them for a few seconds at a time so they can grow accustom to the radiance of the lights hanging overhead. It's a minute or two before I am able to take in my surroundings for the first time without being blinded. The room is large, about fifteen feet wide, possibly the same long, and it's more or less empty, except for a worn shitty brown sofa next to me and a naked shop mannequin stood by the closed door. It stares at me with its painted eyes, its eyes otherwise blank. No arms, but I don't know why I've noticed. I lift my upper body off the floor. Not such a prone position; I think to myself and lift my knee.
As I glance around, trying to make sense of the situation, I rest my hand on my knee, and as my eyes come round, I notice blood. Dried blood! I panic for a moment, noticing that there's blood on my other hand and start checking my body, and apart from a few bumps, bruises and scrapes, there is nothing to have shed such an amount. It's not mine! My inner voice tells me from the recess of my mind. I push myself up off the floor, and feel aches in my body, so straighten up slowly. And as I start to move, I realize that they are just from being in one position for some time, though how much time I have no ideas. And suddenly it dawns on me that I have no idea who I am, or what I am doing in this room. I check myself over again, patting myself down feeling for a wallet or something with my name on it, knowing that even if I find something, just a name can't tell me who I am. But there is nothing. I try the pockets of the hooded top I'm wearing and find a syringe wrapped in a small plastic bag. There is a plastic cap over the needle, but the syringe itself is empty. I wonder if I'm a drug addict, and check my arms for any sign of previous injections, but I find none.
I put the bag with the syringe back in my pocket and zip it up. I start looking around and notice a pair of dirty green curtains covering a window opposite the door. There seems to be no light coming through, presuming that it is night. I reach out to open them, hoping to find out where I am, but the window is boarded up with thick lengths of wood. I hit them with the palm of my hand in frustration, but the boards are solid. Behind me is the door, and as I turn and walk towards it I notice that it's padlocked from the inside. The inside??
I look around again, going through my pockets trying to find a key, but find nothing. I move closer to the door and place my ear against it, listening carefully, trying to hear anything from beyond. I hear nothing except my own breathing, and as I back away I notice that it is a flimsy internal door, a moulded cover on each side of a soft wooden frame. I take a step back from it and launch myself forward, planting my foot just over a third of the way up. The wood cracks, and then breaks on the third kick, sending the padlock clattering across the floor.

Through the damaged door I can see blackness, what light from the room that spills out is engulfed by the darkness beyond. And so I am wary as I pull open the remnants of the door and step out into the corridor. I can see the wall opposite the door is bare brick with patches of plaster here and there. I step out of the light from the room and wait for my eyes to readjust to the darkness, trying to see how far the corridor goes, but I can't see anything. A sudden movement in the darkness startles me making me step back, and I strain my ears to hear if there is any sound of movement. Perhaps my imagination is playing tricks on me. I have no idea where I am, no idea who I am, so maybe I'm just a little scared. Maybe! I venture back into the room and look around to see if there is anything of use. I quickly reject the idea of looking at the sofa, it may look like a piece of junk, but it's intact, and after a quick once over, doesn't appear to have been tampered with. Besides, if I have to come back here, I'll have something more comfortable than the floor to rest on. I turn my attention to the mannequin; it still stares blankly into the room. After a quick look, I confirm what I already know; it offers nothing of any use to me. I look it in the eye and turn away, following the direction of its gaze. I'd not seen it before, on the wall in the opposite corner, there is a cupboard. I walk over and twist the handle on the door to open it. Inside the cupboard is a rusted tin box, the size of a shoe box. And as I slide it of the shelf, I can feel the weight of the items inside shift. Quickly I retreat to sit on the sofa and, after wrestling with it briefly, open the lid. Inside is a key ring with half a dozen keys and as I take a close look at them I see the same company logo that is on the padlock. Maybe I should be more observant, I think to myself. Along with the keys is a flash light, a heavy three cell type with Maglite written round the top. I click the button and the strong beam throws more light into the room. I put the tin down and stand up, shining the beam of the torch around into the darker areas of the room. On top of the cupboard I see what appears to be a camera. A small wireless camera with a small green LED light indicating that it's active. So, I'm being watched! I don't say it aloud, no point letting who ever in on my thoughts.

I look around the room, just in case. The walls are covered in paper that has seen better days, the curled up edges are a yellowish brown, like someone had spent a lot of time smoking in here. The floor is bare, just dusty boards with a clean spot where I'd just been laying. I brush myself off to make sure that there's no dust on me. I put the keys in my pocket and with the flash light on I walk back into the corridor and shine it around. To my right the corridor leads to a few more rooms and then stops, the window at the end, again boarded. I walk along and try the doors, but they are locked, with no apparent keyholes. I turn the other way and walk back, past the room I just woke up in and down the corridor. There are more doors, but no sign of any locks. Ahead I can see the corridor turns to the right and so approach it with caution. I hear nothing as I come up to the corner and turn shining the light. On the floor ahead there is something. I point the beam around, checking that nothing lay in wait, I don't know why I feel the need to do so, it just feels instinctive. As I get closer, I can see that it's someone rather than something. I squat beside the body, and gently prod. There is no reaction. Maybe they are drugged; maybe they have a syringe like mine. I pull on their shoulder to turn them face up and I'm confronted with a bloody mess, their face seemingly smashed to a pulp. I raise my hand to my mouth and notice the blood again. Did I do this???
I look down at, what I can already tell without checking for a pulse, is a corpse. And as I start to rummage through his pockets, I'm shocked that I'm not shocked! Shocked that this seems so familiar to me, shocked that I feel that I have been here before, seen one, or possibly many dead people. I shake the thoughts from my mind and tell myself that I'm just dealing with the situation. There is nothing on the body, no ID, no money to tell me where I am, no keys and no weapons. I stand up and start to walk away. Just ahead is a sheet covering what looks to be a chair, which I remove and place over the body. Once it's covered, I stand for a moment, the beam from the torch illuminating the body. I don't know if it's a prayer I say, but a thought goes through my mind for the man on the floor, just before I turn and walk away.
The beam of the torch bounces around the corridor as it stretches out before me, seemingly endless, passing many doors with no key holes that I can see. But up ahead I can see a slim shaft of light almost slicing through the darkness. I run towards it, finding a window that's not so well boarded up. There is a gap between them about an inch wide, wide enough to put my fingers through, and as I do, I can feel cold moisture on the glass behind it. I put my eye to the gap to see, try and get some sort of idea where I am, not that I'd be able to tell. Even as I've been walking and thinking, I still have no idea who I am, where I'm from, how old...... Not a single clue.
Outside the window I see a city in darkness. I was right to think it was night. I can make out other buildings in the moon light, high rise buildings, church steeples, blocks that look like they should be flats, but none have lights on. Surely, even if it were the early hours of the morning there would be some signs of life. I pull on the board and it comes away with a bit of effort. And as I let it drop to the floor, I place my hand on the window, and it feels almost freezing, like its winter. I sweep the beam from the torch along the wall behind me and see an old fashioned radiator. I walk over to it and feel it, and am somewhat overwhelmed be a sense of confusion. There is no heating on; in fact, the radiator is only slightly warmer than the window. So why is it as hot as......?
A loud bang behind me breaks my concentration for a moment. I shine the torch down the corridor I have just walked down, but I can't see anything. But then there is movement, actual movement! I take a step forward, trying to figure out what is behind me, but as I move, it seems as if the darkness has become impenetrable, the torch light disappearing as if the darkness were moving towards me. I take a step back and still it advances towards me. I turn and run, the corridor stretching out before me, and glance back in time to see the light from the window devoured by the darkness. My heart pounds in my chest as I try and run faster, but the faster I run the faster the darkness seems to follow. And there ahead I see the end of the passage, blocked by a door. I slam my shoulder into the door, hoping that it's as flimsy as the door on the room I woke up in, but the door had me bouncing back, almost making me fall. I pick myself up and look back, the darkness advancing towards me. I look at the door, beam of the torch flicking here and there. And in the light I notice a lock! I fumble in my pocket and bring out the key ring, and my fingers seem useless as I begin trying each one in turn to open the door, every second that passes the darkness gets closer. I slip the forth key in the lock and turn it, pushing the door and falling through as it opens. I fall to the floor and quickly turn to see the darkness almost at the door. I pick myself up and run back to the door, removing the keys before shutting it and locking it, the darkness only inches away! I step back, looking at the door. My breath laboured. And for a moment there is silence, the sound of my breathing drowned out by the deafening beating of my heart. I move closer to the door, cocking my ear to hear anything, placing it against the door, but I hear nothing from beyond, nothing seems to stir.
I bend forward, resting my bloodied hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. And as I feel the beating of my heart slow, I can still hear the thump, thump, THUMP! I stand straight, and notice that the sound isn't in my head, and as I look towards the door, I can see it shaking in its frame. And the thumping sound becomes louder, as if someone is on the other side of the door pounding their fists against it. I move back from it, and the pounding begins to become almost frantic! I look around for another exit from the room, and notice a door with the word 'stairs' above it. I begin to move towards it, when the pounding stops. As I reach out to grip the handle to exit the room, the door behind me explodes, sending splinters of wood into the room, a few catching me in the back of my legs. I hit the floor with the force of the explosion, curling up into a foetal position to protect myself. For a moment all I can hear is the sound of pieces of the shattered door falling to the ground. I look up as the darkness pushes in through the doorway, expanding to fill the room as it comes further in. I cower by the exit to the stairs, almost waiting to be consumed by the darkness. But it stops, a wall of darkness looming over me. And although there are no eyes, it feels as if it is watching me, studying me. I stand up, trying to ignore the pain from the splinters of wood in my legs and step forward towards the mass of darkness. And as I draw near, as quickly as it invaded the room, it retreats back down the corridor.
I stand at the doorway, amidst the sprayed wreckage of the door that once filled the gap.  I look down the corridor, and although it is almost pitch black, I can make out the sliver of light that cuts through the darkness from between the boards.  And as my senses seem to return, I feel the almost burning sensation of the splinters of wood that are now embedded in my legs.  I look round and find the Maglite where I'd dropped it, and picking it up I click the light on and shine the beam on the backs of my legs.  There are several patches of blood with spike like pieces of wood protruding from each.  I grip hold of one that is sticking out of my right calf, and wince in pain as I try to remove it, even the fraction of an inch I move it sends a sickening pain shooting through my body.  I catch my breath and wipe the sweat from my forehead as I try again, this time pulling the two inch splinter from my calf, and as I hold it between my bloodied fingers, staring at it in the light of the torch, I contemplate having to remove the rest, my body suddenly shaking at the thought of going through the pain another five or six time.
I try to swallow, but my throat is dry, the heat in this place seemingly unbelievable.  Then grit my teeth as I reach for the second splinter.
It takes me sometime to remove all the slivers of wood from my legs and leaves me feeling exhausted, more from fighting the urge to vomit than the pain.  And so I sit for a while, trying to get my energy back, racking my brain trying to remember how I got here, trying to remember who and where I am, but nothing seems to show itself in my memory.  And I must fall asleep, because the next thing I am aware of is opening my eyes and my head is on the bare wood floor.
I push myself into a seated position, feeling for the torch and clicking it on when it's in hand.
I shine the beam around; nothing has changed in the room.  I pick myself up, feeling the searing pain in my legs, and, once on my feet make my way back to the corridor.  I can't have been out for long as the light coming through the boarded window is still moon light.  I shine the torch down the corridor, no sign of the cloud like darkness again.  As I turn back into the room, I see the doorway to the stairs and walk towards it.  The door opens stiffly, leaving a mark on the floor as the two surfaces rub together.  I shine the torch light into the stairwell, noticing that I'm on the top floor, and as I walk over to the balustrade, look down the stairwell trying to figure out how many floors are below me.  It seems to go on past ten or more floors, maybe even more than fifteen.  What kind of place is this??